[redjako]

Lmao.

Honestly, I'll say again - I was a huge proponent of the "there's more to Moenghus the Elder" theories, though I'm largely sated by Kellhus admitting to Proyas that he killed his father in error. Regardless, I am, in fact, still holding out for Moenghus-Ascended.

Where was this? I'm on a re-read but am missing this (the mistake of killing his father).

Cheers.

[H]

Lmao.

Honestly, I'll say again - I was a huge proponent of the "there's more to Moenghus the Elder" theories, though I'm largely sated by Kellhus admitting to Proyas that he killed his father in error. Regardless, I am, in fact, still holding out for Moenghus-Ascended.

Where was this? I'm on a re-read but am missing this (the mistake of killing his father).

Cheers.

See my post right below Madness', Kellhus never explicitly states that it was a mistake, as I had mistakenly taken it to be the first time I read it.

[mrganondorf]

I will find the page when I get home.

It's from a Kellhus POV and I'm thinking it's chapter four just before Kell-yas or Proy-hus happens. Something about (and paraphrasing) "in my disorder I listened to the voices when they told me to kill my father."

Indeed:

“I began seeing … phantasms, hearing voices … Something began speaking to me.”
“Please … I-I …”
“And in my disorder, I listened … I did what it commanded.”
...
“I killed my own father,” the Place said

-Chapter 4, TGO

It's interesting, because Kellhus doesn't actually say it was an outright mistake, as I had taken it the first time reading it.  No, he says the voice told him to do it and he listened.  He then says the voice is not sane.  So, he feels he acted on behalf of the insane voice.

So, a mistake?  Not necessarily.  He is lamenting the insanity of listening to the voice.  He is telling Proyas how far beyond any temporal morality he is.  To kill his father on the whim of an insane voice which he knows not the source of (but he does, really)?  To enact a plan based on a knowingly insane voice while not understanding it's source or it's ends (but, again, he actually does)?  This is the show for Proyas.  To show him it isn't divinity.  Kellhus knows full well that it is himself speaking to him.  He knows full well why he is speaking to himself.  He might be somewhat confused at times, he might doubt the vision or the voice, because no doubt the treads is tells him to pull are disparate and seemingly nonsensical.  The fact remains that the voice knows.

Consider further the insanity of believing that the voice could know this.  The voice could only know this if everything already happened, yet, it only happened because the voice knew and told Kellhus.  So, both are contingent on each other.  How could one have happened first?  It couldn't.  So, there is the insane idea that everything happened at the same time?  That it happened backwards?  That time, or cause, is bi-directional?

He is my theory, while on the Circumfix, Kellhus is open to the Outside, to the Absolute, through the cipher of Serwe.  The voice he hears is his own.  The visions he sees are himself.  Why is the voice insane?  Because it is telling him things outside causality, it is telling him what will happen before it happens.  This is because the voice already knows what happens, because it has all already happened.  Recall Akka's words to Cnaiur, that madness is the Outside leaking inward.  Key word there, mad.  Kellhus even tells us he is mad for having listened to the voice.  In reality he had no choice.  He is a pawn of himself as much as everyone is a pawn of him (they are all pawns of The Thousandfold Thought).  He never had a choice to resist the voice.

This is why he is now beyond himself.  This is why there is no "true" Kellhus.  This is why he can be "weary" of all this and yet still exacting it all.  Why he can feel emotions but not be moved by them.  Why he is The Place called Kellhus.  Kellhus is no more just a man with a plan.  He is a vessel through which the plan is driven, in his own words, "the Place, the point of maximal convergence."

This is also why the Consult cannot out-think him.  Their anticipation is already anticipated.  Their plans to foil TTT is already part of TTT.  They can't win.

OK, I think I might be a little off the rails now...

Goddamnit H; I like your fan theories

[H]

Goddamnit H; I like your fan theories

Insidious, huh?  Against my own will I like them too,