The Second Apocalypse

Miscellaneous Chatter => Writing => Topic started by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:53:09 am

Title: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:53:09 am
Quote from: Madness
Hi everyone.

Ended up doing some fireworks and fire last night after work for Canada Day so I was unable to do a weekly or daily story. sciborg holds the King of Writing moniker on the forum right now - if I can figure out how to give us titles a la Westeros it'll happen ;).

I just thought I'd link the Fan Fic I posted a week or so ago on TPB . I invite everyone who posted one to start a thread for informatics.

Cheers.

Untitled (http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/fan-fic/untitled-by-mike-hilcoat/)[/u]

Lol, I realize I lack a title, there a couple glaring mistakes - no matter how much you review - and 3817th should be 3817.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:05 am
Quote from: sciborg2
Really good stuff. I think it gets a little confusing toward the end, with the skin spy - is he initially tied up?
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:12 am
Quote from: Curethan
Very nice.  I enjoyed that.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:19 am
Quote from: Madness
Thanks you too. Much appreciated.

The Knight was never tied up, just rocking back and forth beneath the creatures of the Tekne - I actually took some obscene creative liberties with that one, as I'm not sure really why I thought the creature would have such depth as to pray... or even mutter words alone. Probably the scene from WLW, when the thing that was Soma and was Mimara talks to the Sranc, which was more agency then I expected considering the vapidness of the Skin-Spies with Cnaiur in TTT.

Obviously, minus a point for missing a title.

The other thing I took some liberties with that I knew I couldn't speculate too much on the Anarcane Ground within the story - I even call them the Holy Mountains once - as I thought it was easiest to assume that the Gods are somehow responsible for the Anarcane Ground.

Could just as well be an Aporetic Bomb or something that caused the damage.

That leads me to my last point. I felt that the Few, having lived with the sight of onta mostly their entire lives, would suffer somehow, at least like depression or withdrawal, so I made that somewhat central to the tale too.

As for the confusion, well, sciborg, that is the process, eh? I just hope I can get better by working at it.

Mathas fights the Knight, hand to hand - which I made more confusing with typos I caught after I posted - and then realizes he can't win, even though he's been trained by the best from all the Three-Seas. Sounds about right, as Cnaiur only beat the Sarcellus the Second by distraction.

Just thoughts. Cheers. Glad you liked it. Really tried to channel Bakker lol.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:27 am
Quote from: rubys00
wow, that was good!
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:33 am
Quote from: Church
very nice, I would have believed it was an RSB original!
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:39 am
Quote from: Francis Buck
I liked that a lot Madness, good work.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:48 am
Quote from: Madness
Cheers, everyone.

Honestly, Francis, I wish I'd share more with the story a day thread - you, Callan, and, especially, sciborg are inspiring on a daily basis. Its just the few times I've attempted to contribute, I've enjoyed my creativity so much, I've ended up poaching them for my ongoing trilogy :).

Church... wow. Thanks. Huge grin lol.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:54:55 am
Quote from: robaczka
It was really good! nice to read it:)
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: What Came Before on June 02, 2013, 12:55:02 am
Quote from: Madness
Cheers, robaczka. Welcome to the Second Apocalypse.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 15, 2013, 09:46:55 pm
I thought I'd bump this to tease the lot of you.

I'll be posting my second fan fic piece to Bakker's blog tomorrow. In all the years I've been reading Bakker I've only ever had three really good fan fic ideas. The first is the aforementioned Untitled, dealing with the advent of the skin-spies in Atrithau. This next has the only little more original title, A Tale of Swayali (unless something better comes before tomorrow), dealing with the First School of Witches, the challenges this poses to a patriarchal society and to the persecuted female Few become Witches in digesting and embodying this change in social dynamic. The third (when ever I feel the creative fire in time to come) will be about the Inrithi who take up the Tusk to hunt Schoolman during one of the Scholastic Wars.

Cheers. Thanks to the Bakker & Women threads on Westeros for first inciting me to write something akin to the Swayal idea because the trials of women aren't as easily addressed in Bakker's world as people seem to think they should be. And for Quinthane, Somnambulist, and FB for really kicking me in my ass and fueling my fire with their intense and awe-inspiring artistic renditions of Bakker's narrative.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Francis Buck on November 16, 2013, 02:27:56 am
Color me teased :). Your first one was great and definitely gave me some motivation to do my own (I've only really had the one particular fan-fiction idea, but it has been nagging at me for a while so I finally gave in, and I almost never get short story ideas in general so it's good practice). Your third idea also sounds really interesting. Can't wait bro.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Crtha on November 16, 2013, 03:48:19 am
Breath that is baited.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Royce on November 16, 2013, 07:39:43 am
Did not know you have posted one earlier, I am looking forward to this ;)
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 16, 2013, 06:17:31 pm
It is done. I'll link it when Bakker takes it from the comments and makes A Tale of Swayal its own page.

Otherwise it is there, an object apart of me, awaiting Judging Eyes ;)...
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 17, 2013, 03:17:24 pm
Ugh... of course, there are mistakes :(. I count six, so far, and I read the thing more than I usually edit. I should have given it more time between readings.

Thankfully, only one is formatting specific to TPB. The rest read like my brain broke while I was writing. I didn't have any strokes, as far as I know.

No page link to post in the thread yet but the story is submitted to the Fan Fic comments (http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/fan-fic/).
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Royce on November 17, 2013, 05:08:39 pm
Very good job indeed ;)
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 17, 2013, 06:13:50 pm
Cheers, Royce. Any questions/criticisms would benefit me immensely. It helps to know how clear I was in communicating different ideas and how closely I cleaved to the narrative foundations.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Francis Buck on November 18, 2013, 12:53:38 am
Just finished. Very cool Madness. Honestly both this and your other piece could fit as some kind of anthology series and feel totally official. The writing was clean and evocative. Loved the part with Nautzera. If anything my only complaint would be that I'd like to see even more, like an expanded version. It felt as if I was just settling into Lissa's character when it was over. Then again that kinda comes with the territory with a lot of short stories. Regardless I enjoyed it very much and I'm looking forward to the next one.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Royce on November 18, 2013, 08:37:55 am
I am not your guy in when it comes to critique on your use of language, grammar, semantics and so on, because I am thousands of miles away being able to write something like this in English :)

I like your vivid discriptions, and I agree with FB that it is annoying that it is so short. Fantasy like this is not supposed to be short! ;D
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 18, 2013, 01:50:12 pm
Thanks much you two. High praise. Gives me the warm fuzzies 8).

I am not your guy in when it comes to critique on your use of language, grammar, semantics and so on, because I am thousands of miles away being able to write something like this in English :)

No worries, Royce. If you have any questions on craft, I'll gladly share any insight I have into process and execution - I love brainstorming writing.

Just finished. Very cool Madness. Honestly both this and your other piece could fit as some kind of anthology series and feel totally official. The writing was clean and evocative. Loved the part with Nautzera. If anything my only complaint would be that I'd like to see even more, like an expanded version. It felt as if I was just settling into Lissa's character when it was over. Then again that kinda comes with the territory with a lot of short stories. Regardless I enjoyed it very much and I'm looking forward to the next one.

Interesting, FB. Thanks again. Forgive me while a rap a second here.

A couple thoughts of note. The part with Nautzera and the Sareot were almost one scene and Nautzera was never necessarily a part of the story. That third piece was basically a last minute thought as I was working out the logic of the story, what begged to be description as part of the whole narrative. Same with the little Wathi Doll insert, though it's interesting that they both turned into such different lengths (one line vs. one scene).

Hm. Lissa, too, her driving motivation was easy and it made sense that Kellhus would make the girls complicit to help bring about his New World Order but she definitely could have been more of a presence/fleshed out in the story entire, though thankfully the pedestal piece is the end scene, which she is all over, as it was her scene.

Ultimately, I am just happy my originally intended argument played out well.

Lol - it is a short story :(. Though I basically nailed my estimated word count and it is almost twice as long as my first. And FB, while I was working on the later half I kept thinking about how you mentioned that you're never happy with a piece and it's a case of "fuck it, it's finished." Not that that is entirely true with me as I try and give myself certain bullet-point expectations but I know the feeling well (and usually try and let myself go back once more afterwards).

The added ease of fan fic is that Bakker's done all the heavy lifting of establishing pronouns and meme-like descriptions. All I had to do was sprinkle enough seeded names and lines around and purposely invent very little in terms of the World.

*Waves hands*

Magic ;).

Just thoughts.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Crtha on November 22, 2013, 11:48:01 pm
Overall, good. 

Criticisms.
I'll try and be harsh.  But it's for your own good! ;)

The first few paragraphs felt rather clunky and amateur.  Suggest taking a pretty hard look at your sentence structure there, it's much better once you get into your flow.  Introduction is important. 

'One bright night, the Nail of Heaven shining above, Lissa finished her chores early and ran blissfully from her home to the promontory.'

Sounds very storybook.  Also makes it sound like the Nail is providing the light. A few extra words to create the scene instead perhaps?
Also, one does not run at night in the countryside, even on a full moon.  Neither do country folk do their chores of an evening.  Very rare for children to be out alone at night.

Beginning a paragraph with a conjunction?  Ech, but it almost works - I can see how it knits the first three paragraphs together.

I don't think you need the bit about freeing the Mandati from Seswatha's yoke.  Its a needless elaboration that some readers may disagree with and not really necessary, as the Swayali do the grasping.  Like Seswatha would refuse a new weapon against the Consult anyway ;)

I would suggest using that passage as an opportunity to reflect on Khellus' ability to change/manipulate the hearts of men instead, getting the Mandati to teach and accept women as their sorcerous-sisters actually seems a lot more impressive.

My final gripe is in relation to plotting though.  Lissa's 'village?' seems to be well integrated in the new empire when she is given to the Swayal.  So why, after Lissa's training, is their suddenly a decision to execute the matriachal witches of that area?  And why send freshly trained recruits to kill their own families?  Seems a lot more Star Wars eeeeeevil than Kellhus style machinations.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 23, 2013, 03:17:53 am
Yay ;D!

Lol, thanks, Curethan.

The first few paragraphs felt rather clunky and amateur.  Suggest taking a pretty hard look at your sentence structure there, it's much better once you get into your flow.  Introduction is important.

The second sentence in particular. I made an edit I shouldn't have and it immediately halts the flow.

'One bright night, the Nail of Heaven shining above, Lissa finished her chores early and ran blissfully from her home to the promontory.'

Sounds very storybook.  Also makes it sound like the Nail is providing the light. A few extra words to create the scene instead perhaps?
Also, one does not run at night in the countryside, even on a full moon.  Neither do country folk do their chores of an evening.  Very rare for children to be out alone at night.

Beginning a paragraph with a conjunction?  Ech, but it almost works - I can see how it knits the first three paragraphs together.

Some rationale:

- I don't really have a distinct memory of a moon being mentioned in the text, though I think Bakker confirmed it on ZTS.

- Lol. I used my own childhood as something of a model? I did all those things. I mean, sure, maybe there was a more extreme sense of parent protectiveness historically (?).

- Lol. Is beginning paragraphs with conjunctions bad form?

I don't think you need the bit about freeing the Mandati from Seswatha's yoke.  Its a needless elaboration that some readers may disagree with and not really necessary, as the Swayali do the grasping.  Like Seswatha would refuse a new weapon against the Consult anyway ;)

I would suggest using that passage as an opportunity to reflect on Khellus' ability to change/manipulate the hearts of men instead, getting the Mandati to teach and accept women as their sorcerous-sisters actually seems a lot more impressive.

More rationale :) (and I try to posit very little in terms of inventing narrative but, obviously, at this point I had to make a claim):

In the text, Esmenet reflects that Kellhus sends Serwa to the Witches at Iothiah. I tried to use Serwa's approximate age to mark the years of the story (her being born directly after High Ainon's defeat, assuming this occurs in the middleish of the Unification Wars, also assuming that Kellhus continues southward from Shimeh to Nilnamesh at the coast and then back around the Three-Seas in a clockwise conquering from old Nansur eastward).

I couldn't reconcile myself to the idea that Kellhus personally teaches Witches the Gnosis - because it simply seems beneath him but especially because the Mandate tolerate the Gnostic School of Witches based on the fact that everyone but Kellhus has to touch the Heart and inherit the binding Seswatha homunculus.

I had considered simply suggesting that the Mandate taught the Witches like they have taught all Mandate students for generations. But Kellhus somehow dissolving the Quorum and the Witches learning the Gnosis at an increased-rate because of Kellhus' greater understanding, combined with the Witches governing themselves, rather than being a subset of the Mandate, led me to try the Seswatha hypnosis factor...

It was sketchy to me too.

My final gripe is in relation to plotting though.  Lissa's 'village?' seems to be well integrated in the new empire when she is given to the Swayal.  So why, after Lissa's training, is their suddenly a decision to execute the matriachal witches of that area?  And why send freshly trained recruits to kill their own families?  Seems a lot more Star Wars eeeeeevil than Kellhus style machinations.

Gah. Well, perhaps, this is something I'll work at in an expanded version, if we ever put together some kind of Earwa fan-clopedia. It was something of the main point for my narrative, so it wasn't as successful as I'd hoped, working to argue against criticisms drawn from the Bakker and Women threads.

To bullet-point some thoughts:

- Kellhus cannot affect everything the way he ultimately wants. If he could, he'd be the White-Luck Warrior. He has to manage and massage people's biases.
- The Mandate and the Schools all previously hunted and killed Witches and Wizards, a practice that would be reinforced, not dissuaded, in the New Empire, because Kellhus founds a School for Witches. In doing so, he reframes the practice in terms of for or against Kellhus, Zaudunyani, Few and faithful, or Orthodox (because ultimately if you were for Kellhus, you'd belong to or join a School).
- Kellhus' offer to the Witches automatically becomes join the Swayal, as Schoolwoman, or die as traditionally outcast Witches. Because learning language is the primary obstacle to learning sorcery, Kellhus only wants those woman Few who are under a certain age. Kellhus' deal with the practicing Witches is submit your daughter Few in order to live peacefully. Obviously, never practice folkloric witchcraft again.
- In my mind, the only apparently sudden (and really not so sudden) decision is when Lissa's Mother regrets her decision at some point not to fight initially giving up her daughter. And so she rebels at some point after Lissa's in Iothiah. So it's not necessarily "Witches of that area," so much as it's "Lissa's mother is involved with the rebels and Lissa has come to know this."
- There are no "freshly trained recruits" after the Grasping and certainly not among the Swayal who have the benefit of learning sorcery after Kellhus. All who dream the Dreams (like all those who endure the Grasping) would be as good as Seswatha, on average, at least. But ultimately why have caste-nobles kill their own slaves, when you could coordinate a mass killing of slaves by the common soldier? Because it breeds loyalty. Because shared incrimination binds people together.

Cheers, Curethan. Thanks very much.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Crtha on November 23, 2013, 04:15:20 am
No worries.  Trying to be helpfully constructive.

Well, perhaps the ground was not so flat on the farm where I grew up - also a lot more spiders and snakes to step on, I'll warrant. ;)
Full moon rising early, I would get it.

The bit about the training techniques mainly seems unnecessary and somewhat complex.  Trim the fat.

I think you can make the plot point work.  Perhaps demonstrate that the swayali have a sadistic handler who wants that kind of proof of dedication. 
I really think that level of minion cruelty is counterproductive 'evil overlord' stuff though. 
In your example, one would get the caste nobles to do it because they have been more directly and fully indoctrinated - they believe it is necessary because K told them.  Common soldiers would be much more likely to balk and rebel, being more able to identify with the slaves' lot being closer to them on the caste ladder.

It wasn't clear to me that Lissa's mother had joined the rebels.  Perhaps a letter or recollections of a 'dream convo'?
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 23, 2013, 02:38:45 pm
No worries.  Trying to be helpfully constructive.

You are most def. It helps me to work through the creative process with another's perspective

Well, perhaps the ground was not so flat on the farm where I grew up - also a lot more spiders and snakes to step on, I'll warrant. ;)
Full moon rising early, I would get it.

Lol - thanks for stretching for me. And yeah, Canadian Country just basically guarantees a variety of canine, ursine, and some felines ;). Bigger, malnourished predators. Only a few places are at the ideal band for dangerous snakes. Though the brown recluse spider is pretty common and a real trip.

The bit about the training techniques mainly seems unnecessary and somewhat complex.  Trim the fat.

As I mentioned before you popped in, the Nautzera part was something of an afterthought. I think the Dream content is both epic and crucial, while communicating that the Mandate (or Nautzera) seek to take some pleasure in killing the enemies of the Aspect-Emperor.

I think you can make the plot point work.  Perhaps demonstrate that the swayali have a sadistic handler who wants that kind of proof of dedication. 
I really think that level of minion cruelty is counterproductive 'evil overlord' stuff though. 
In your example, one would get the caste nobles to do it because they have been more directly and fully indoctrinated - they believe it is necessary because K told them.  Common soldiers would be much more likely to balk and rebel, being more able to identify with the slaves' lot being closer to them on the caste ladder.

It wasn't clear to me that Lissa's mother had joined the rebels.  Perhaps a letter or recollections of a 'dream convo'?

"In your example, one would get the caste nobles Swayal to do it because they have been more directly and fully indoctrinated - they believe it is necessary because K told them"

Is my logic flerwed for thinking those the same? Am I being unnecessarily cruel?

Just curious, it doesn't surprise me when I perceive a difference between me and others :-\...

EDIT: It's almost as to say the Swayal, or most of them (sans Lissa?), would be more directly and fully indoctrinated than the Caste-Nobles. But then, I almost want to compare the Swayal to the Fish Speakers.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Crtha on November 24, 2013, 12:32:36 am
The problem is that Lissa proves that level of indoctrination is not the rule.

Sure, she may be an exceptional case, but I see no reason why, if X would be expected to happily execute her mother for treason, that Lissa would not.  Does she have some emotional capacity that the other witches lack?  Surely this would manifest in other ways during her training.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 24, 2013, 04:24:29 pm
The problem is that Lissa proves that level of indoctrination is not the rule.

Sure, she may be an exceptional case, but I see no reason why, if X would be expected to happily execute her mother for treason, that Lissa would not.  Does she have some emotional capacity that the other witches lack?  Surely this would manifest in other ways during her training.

Lol - it's useless to rationalize after the fact but definitely still good practice.

I don't really have a good answer for you. I tried to weave in the idea that only Lissa's childlike love of her Mother could contest with the abiding love of all the aspects of Kellhus' NWO; Sisterhood, Power, Status and the idea that she was one of (possibly others could have defected too) few who latched onto the notion that the subservience to the Aspect-Emperor and the novel world he's bring about isn't fair or altruistic - or even an advance in gender relations, ultimately.

Probably all things I should have sat on longer and bulked up the piece with, as I failed to properly communicate the ideas into the narrative as it stands :-\.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Crtha on November 25, 2013, 12:07:25 am
I think its one of the difficulties of short form pieces, right here.
But it could be reader fallibility too.  If anyone else browses this and thinks I'm just being dense, do pipe up.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 25, 2013, 12:55:20 pm
I think its one of the difficulties of short form pieces, right here.
But it could be reader fallibility too.  If anyone else browses this and thinks I'm just being dense, do pipe up.

Lol, thanks for suggesting so but I think your comments/criticisms have been cogent, so far, Curethan.

I wish more would pipe up too :). Though it isn't even its own page yet, depending on how much traffic the blog gets aside the main page.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Wilshire on November 25, 2013, 07:34:56 pm
Haven't read it yet, but this is the permalink btw, so you don't have to scroll all the way to the bottom (its exhausting):
http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/fan-fic/#comment-25330
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on November 26, 2013, 05:27:34 pm
Thanks, Wilshire. I didn't necessarily think that Bakker doesn't get internal updates on the blog (though he hasn't been blogging much lately and he doesn't his aphorisms from his Twitter and it just links to the blog and Facebook, I believe) and that it would be this long before a page went up. No matter.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on January 10, 2014, 07:48:38 pm
Here's the link to my final draft of A Tale of Swayal (http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/fan-fic/#comment-28147). I'll link the page when Bakker puts it up this weekend (or shortly thereafter, as he's expecting the revised version).

Thanks very much to Curethan for all his criticisms and editing (even a couple complete sentences offered as suggestions, which stayed in the final blog version ;)). Most of the updated version reflects my reigning in my speculative assumptions and really trying to focus on the strength of the overall theme of the piece. I think it is much stronger now thanks to Curethan's input.

Obviously, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on January 12, 2014, 10:28:46 pm
A Tale of Swayal (http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/fan-fic/a-tale-of-swayal/)

Final version and its own snazzy page. Thanks again to Curethan, who made this final version satisfyingly stronger, and to delavagus who took it upon himself to post my story and handle all the pesky formatting issues in my word document (as there were a bunch of html tags), including his own little section and epigraph touches (formatting only).

Cheers.

EDIT: My mind is already slowing working on the third (and last good fanfic idea I've had). Hopefully, it'll make a neat trifecta.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: reichorn on January 13, 2014, 03:08:50 am
I've not read any of the FanFic, but I'll try to read this at some point soon and send you some feedback.  What kind of feedback would you like?  Are you an aspiring author?  Or just having some fun?
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on January 13, 2014, 10:59:16 am
:o

What kind of feedback would you like?  Are you an aspiring author?

It would be an immensely pleasing moment to have you critique me on craft. The only caveat I could offer about my fanfic is that either piece is in many ways better than something I can personally write at this moment in time; I find imitation much easier.

Criticisms.
I'll try and be harsh.  But it's for your own good! ;)

That was how Curethan started and the following criticism was very fruitful.

But, seriously, life is learning to me. You helped shape Bakker's voice and it would basically be an honour to have you shape mine as well, even a little :).
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Wilshire on January 23, 2014, 12:42:37 am
A Tale of Swayal (http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/fan-fic/a-tale-of-swayal/)

Final version and its own snazzy page. Thanks again to Curethan, who made this final version satisfyingly stronger, and to delavagus who took it upon himself to post my story and handle all the pesky formatting issues in my word document (as there were a bunch of html tags), including his own little section and epigraph touches (formatting only).

Cheers.

EDIT: My mind is already slowing working on the third (and last good fanfic idea I've had). Hopefully, it'll make a neat trifecta.

Read it. Loved it.

I don't much like writing critisisms to works like this, but I will say that this seemed to fit the overall feel of TSA. I really hope Bakker developes the Witches more in TUC or in TSTSNBN
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on January 23, 2014, 03:32:28 pm
Sweet. Thanks much, Wilshire.

It's just nice that it's not only enjoyable to read but that others can share in my enjoyment. And since A Tale of Swayal was specifically in response to the Bakker and Women Returns thread that I participated in at Westeros, I'm glad it turned out as strongly as it did.

I only wish I could get some indication of whether this counts as "feminist-friendly" and if by extension, I've made some little justifications as to why the world of Bakker's TAE is realistic insofar as "gender has been advanced (or not)."

Also, I think I have a title for my first one, which is "Untitled" on TPB: A Knight's Tale :).
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Somnambulist on January 24, 2014, 06:28:01 am
Nice work, Madness.  I enjoyed the tale, as well.  Cheers for sharing!
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on January 24, 2014, 01:14:04 pm
Thanks much, Somnambulist ;D.

My offering of Art, since I can't yet draw with any sort of skill, though I continue to practice for my left hand. I think I need to find me some instruction.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: MG on February 11, 2014, 11:44:39 pm
I loved Untitled!  You channeled Bakker wonderfully!  Love the back and forth seswatha and present.  This is not a small matter for me, you nailed all the names of things and people.  That's one of the reasons I like Bakker's stuff, his names have fantasy resonance and you did it awesomely as well.  I don't think I could ever do that.  There I am trying to write fanfic like you and I'm stuck because all I can think of for my Mandati is Bluurglyp, Shsmoortvlunt, or Traalwoofdinklabloi.  Seriously, that's great what you did. 

My only complaint is: IT'S NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!  Would love to have read more. 

Oooohhhh, could you have Aurang show up and he talks with the skinspy and you reveal that it's one of the same skinspies that will later be Sarcellus?  Could you have a guy hanging around in the backdrop as a possible spy for the dunyain?  I guess Aurang synthese can't be there though, cause of the anarcanity.  Somehow I imagined that the mandati in atrithau might be pale--like it's so hard to traverse the distance from mandate hq to atrithau, that really the mission is it's own little school?  But that wouldn't be right, they have no mumified turd-heart to grasp.   :( 

So, I guess I wouldn't change anything except maybe make it longer--have the POV follow the skinspies around as they murder the mandati 1,2,3.  One schoolman battling right at the border of anarcane ground, one battling back at the lonely tower against skinspies with chorae.  Bashrag and sranc are there too, but that's unsurprising because that's what happens every saturday night.  Maybe the skinspy rips out the mandati's heart and has an eye in it and he eats it but dies choking.  More memory stuff about Seswatha's betrayal! 

Oooohhh, have a part where one of the mandati think they are close to uncovering an ancient secret--then they get way way way down in an old hole and they find...THE HERON SPEAR!  Lol, their guide is a skin spy and has lured them into a den of skin spies.  Schoolman does what any terrified sorcerer without magic would do, turns the heron spear on his enemies.  Lol, it's a fake.  They are all murdered and eaten but in reverse order.  Dying schoolman get a cool, sort of redeeming super secret mysterious memory from Seswatha as they die.  Or maybe Seswatha blocks out the suffering by running reels of hot sex which is weird because they are literally getting sex just then but its the bad kind.  Skinspies open a deli the next day, serve mandati as 'ham' to Atrithauians, each other. 

I liked your story a lot--all that rambliness is a measure of how much!  You got my Earwa brain going!  Looking forward to reading your other ones too!

EDIT: breaking up the text
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Crtha on February 12, 2014, 05:59:01 am
Holy shit, wall of text right in the frontal lobe! 

Put in some spacing for the sake of all that is unholy ganondorf.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Wilshire on February 12, 2014, 01:39:12 pm
Holy shit, wall of text right in the frontal lobe! 

Put in some spacing for the sake of all that is unholy ganondorf.
Yes, please :)
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on February 13, 2014, 12:31:41 pm
Lol mrganondorf. Thanks very much.

If you enjoyed that, I do have another there called A Tale of Swayali. But Untitled was written for me, ATOS was written more with a particular response in mind to the Bakker and Women threads on Westeros. So it's less fun, I think.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: MG on February 14, 2014, 01:23:30 am
s
o
r
r
y
!
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: MG on April 02, 2014, 10:56:42 am
Just read A Tale of Swayal!  Awesome!  Love, love, love the gathering of witches and the tension between following the old way vs Kellhus--had not really thought of it myself.  This seems like a slice of life from every witches heart--they would all have to decide if they were zaudunyani or not. 

Loved seeing old Nautzera!  He's a great school marm!  This IS the fitting end to the old mandati.  This would be a great place to do a bunch of stories, a way to squeeze some harry potter feels into the bakker-verse--Nautzera fooled by glamors--his class seems to be studying when really there all down at the lake or all the girls come to class in big beards.

If you ever go back to witches, it might be cool to see a story of a confrontation between a swayal witch and one who refused to answer the summons.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on April 08, 2014, 09:52:04 am
Just read A Tale of Swayal!  Awesome!  Love, love, love the gathering of witches and the tension between following the old way vs Kellhus--had not really thought of it myself.  This seems like a slice of life from every witches heart--they would all have to decide if they were zaudunyani or not.

Lol - thanks, MG. Just wanted to make sure I responded to this as my last post - first exam today and I feel like I'm going through some peak experiences; but still don't have all morning to spend on here, relaxing as it is.

It took me awhile to brainstorm this one. Imitating Bakker, he has a certain style of simplicity. This is why I tend not to gamble on too many unknowns or speculations in mine because it adds a certain depth to them. Plus it's a technical challenge trying to fit the "canon story."

Loved seeing old Nautzera!  He's a great school marm!  This IS the fitting end to the old mandati.  This would be a great place to do a bunch of stories, a way to squeeze some harry potter feels into the bakker-verse--Nautzera fooled by glamors--his class seems to be studying when really there all down at the lake or all the girls come to class in big beards.

Lmao. J.K. Rowling meets Bakker... who'd have thunk it.

If you ever go back to witches, it might be cool to see a story of a confrontation between a swayal witch and one who refused to answer the summons.

Same as per above - I couldn't imagine speculating on what tradition Witch-magic might have looked like; though I threw in some ad-lib metaphors about it in Lissa's Mother's dream message.
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: geoint on December 31, 2014, 07:14:51 am
Just read 'Untitled' and thoroughly enjoyed it! 

The only non-bakkerism I noticed was that besides Seswatha (who doesn't count) you only introduced 2 human characters and 1 skin spy!   ;D 

Bakker would have named at least 14 more people even if none of them ever got another second of screen time lol


Jokes aside, great piece of fan fic!  Ive tried to do Second Apocalypse fan fic and was just too intimidated to begin.  The universe is almost too well mapped out.  I feel like anything I do would have inconsistencies with the already established story.  'Untitled' on the other hand fits into the universe perfectly! 
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Hirtius/Pansa on February 04, 2015, 02:45:07 am
Hmm.  I wrote a little something as far as SA fan-fic goes.  But it's secluded away on my old laptop.  It was a short piece, written from the POV of Sarnagiri V.  He's brought in chains to Triamis' private quarters.  They discuss the future of Nilnamesh as part of the Ceneian Empire.  Triamis is very; "Har har, I have big plans for the world and such. You'd better get on my good side."
Title: Re: Fan Fic Piece
Post by: Madness on February 22, 2015, 03:12:49 pm
Thanks for the high praise, geoint. I hope you stumble upon my other one, A Tale of Swayal, at some point and sound off your thoughts.

HP, submit it, if you find it? Or shop it around some of us here to help critique it and clean it up?