Story a Day (II)

  • 61 Replies
  • 12689 Views

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Francis Buck

  • *
  • Guest
« Reply #15 on: October 26, 2013, 06:26:20 pm »
Haven't done much posting here in a long while, as I've been very committed to my next novel, The Emperor Must Die, and I'm also toying with the possibility of a short Earwa fanfic. Nonetheless, I'd like to get some impressions on the first little bit of my novel. This is not the most recent edit, but it's close enough. I kinda cut it off at a random point (what's shown here is a little under a quarter of what I've got done so far), but I'd still like some early impressions. I know it's long but I figured, what the hell?

The formatting will probably be all jacked-up, but it should be readable enough at least. Any feedback/critiques are welcome.

EDIT: I took it out because the formatting was so messed up, and eventually I'll post a proper sample because I definitely want some critiques for you guys.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2013, 02:30:01 am by Francis Buck »

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2013, 07:49:08 pm »
I'll have to give this a more rigorous read later. I'm interested though :).
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

sciborg2

  • *
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Contrarian Wanker
  • Posts: 505
  • "Trickster Makes This World"
    • View Profile
« Reply #17 on: October 29, 2013, 05:20:50 am »
You may want to post that in a separate thread Francis - might get more eyes that way?

In any case, started reading and will try to provide some commentary!
Health Resources:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12NfnxYU5ZSur-RahRNI-bNMnTjxE12vyGWmY46Xq2h0/edit

Register family with 911 services. Also mental health info & hotlines, articles, treatment assistance options, prescription assistance, legal aid, etc.

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #18 on: October 29, 2013, 02:00:50 pm »
More than welcome to begin your own thread, FB, that is what the writing forum is for (I realize Auriga requested it here).

I encourage it (I would just do it now, if I knew you were cool with it).
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

Francis Buck

  • *
  • Guest
« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2013, 04:44:47 pm »
Yeah I probably will do that in the near future, but I want to put a slightly newer version and also add the next two chapters which would give a more rounded-out view of where the story is actually headed (I'll also probably do it in PDF because of formatting -- for example the use of italics is lost when pasting, which kinda messes stuff up, both in the stressing of certain words, and because character's internal thoughts are in italics).

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2013, 04:55:04 pm »
Cool - and I was mistaken, obviously, Auriga only asked specifically for the Red Riding Hood reimagining.
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

Francis Buck

  • *
  • Guest
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2013, 02:32:27 am »
Which one do you mean, the short story I submitted to the contest?

Yep. I'd be interested in reading it.

Meant to ask this before, but if you do read my story I'd love some feedback if it's not too much trouble. I like to get any and all critiques that I can, so your thoughts would be much appreciated. :)

And thanks for taking an interest in the first place!

Royce

  • *
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • The Resplendent
  • Posts: 590
  • There are no facts,only interpretations- Nietzsche
    • View Profile
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2013, 07:38:23 am »
Quote
Meant to ask this before, but if you do read my story I'd love some feedback if it's not too much trouble. I like to get any and all critiques that I can, so your thoughts would be much appreciated.

Where can I read this? Would love too, if I may ;)

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2013, 06:15:55 pm »
Quote
Meant to ask this before, but if you do read my story I'd love some feedback if it's not too much trouble. I like to get any and all critiques that I can, so your thoughts would be much appreciated.

Where can I read this? Would love too, if I may ;)

Alrighty, here's the link to the PDF: http://francisbuck.deviantart.com/art/The-Wolf-and-the-Wanderer-409448261

Thanks for reading.
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

Royce

  • *
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • The Resplendent
  • Posts: 590
  • There are no facts,only interpretations- Nietzsche
    • View Profile
« Reply #24 on: November 17, 2013, 05:16:04 pm »
I am trying to translate some of my stuff, but it might take a while for me to be happy with the result. I have to get the concepts spot on, which is hard.

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2013, 06:12:36 pm »
I wish you good fortune and perseverance, Royce.
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #26 on: November 21, 2013, 01:48:24 pm »
Mina walked from the office doors with the bundle of tethers gripped tightly in hand. She looked across the sea of cars to the Drop, identified in the paved lot only by a small post, blinking a blinding dayglo-spectrum bulb. She did her best to keep it in her periphery as she navigated through the mirrored sheen of cleanly polished metal and glass.

She did her best too, as always, to willfully ignore the guards who kept pace as she made her morning transfers.

Her heels clicked across the concrete surface, echoing off the parked vehicles. The air smelt of ozone clean and the sun pierced yellow on sky blue.

The tethers in her hand jerked and she looked up to the swaying electrospheres. They weren't really swaying. But she liked to think of them as swaying because their predetermined height gave them the illusion of a will to rise. They seemed like balloons fighting back and forth to pass through a ceiling.

As they reached the Drop, she paused before stepping over the small line of chipped paint, which marked the Drop's boundary under the concrete parking lot.

The guards fanned out around the Drop.

A collection of cigarette butts littered the ground around her and she thought she caught their smell. She waited a short moment, long enough to imagine taking her last drag and exhaling a draft of shimmering blue. She even flicked her finger and laughed at the memory of pitching her butt among the detritus others, at the joy of absence.

She stepped across the boundary of paint and wondered at the sudden sounds of misfiring cars.

But these were errant thoughts as the ground was rushing up to meet her. The tethers slipped from her hand as she caught herself on staggered limbs, feeling the sharp pinch of sudden impact. She rolled onto her back and watched as the electrospheres rose towards Anchorage Point.

And then she heard the voices and the gunfire. The world was a glare and she noticed a sharpness in drawing breath.

Men and women cursing. Gunfire sounding in patterned discipline over staggered courage.

The tether was flying. Sirens rang out closer than gunfire. And as the world faded slowly black, she thought to warn Bill in Europe. For burglars often robbed in paired teams at both ends of the tether transfers.

Maybe she would be awake in time, she thought.

After all, it would be hours before he could wake and fish for the tether in the sky.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2013, 01:51:33 pm by Madness »
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #27 on: November 22, 2013, 04:02:09 am »
I went to a poetry-esque type open mic tonight and, though I've never really written poetry before (as is evident), I wrote this while others were performing for my own reading. I can't refuse an opportunity to extend my grasp of the craft.

Words are weighty, so they say,
They are as thick as thieves,
They come to town, they mess around,
They cause mischief for me.

I'd heard a word, so long ago,
That claimed the greatest deed,
It exclaimed, so proud you see,
By me all will be freed.

It then did ask me, follow please,
And though I was afraid,
I thought I'd chase this word awhile,
To see where it may stray.

Long and darkened paths I walked,
And deep breaths did I take,
I followed it so far I felt,
I prayed I wouldn't break.

And still I search from day to day,
Whole lives have I spent,
To find that word, alluring spur,
To this task, I am bent.
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer

Crtha

  • *
  • Moderator Extraordinaire
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Pendulous Fallacy
  • Posts: 772
  • Wizard IRL
    • View Profile
« Reply #28 on: November 23, 2013, 04:17:09 am »
Nice.
A bit wordy though.  :-[
*Shuffles off stage left*
Retracing his bloody footprints, the Wizard limped on.

Madness

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Old Name
  • *****
  • Conversational Batman
  • Posts: 4928
  • Strength on the Journey - Journey Well
    • View Profile
    • The Second Apocalypse
« Reply #29 on: November 23, 2013, 02:41:04 pm »
Lol. A gods-damned comedian ;D.
The Existential Scream
Weaponizing the Warrior Pose - Declare War Inwardly
carnificibus: multus sanguis fluit
Die Better
The Theory-Killer