Auriga, I'm left wondering if something is screwing up your base enjoyment of the world and the 'loss of meaning' is just a sideshow? A false blame for that?

Well, this could be something as simple as a neurotransmitter imbalance. Which is in a way scary, as it supports the concept that we are nothing but automata, governed by chemicals and electrical impulses.

Auriga - I think I can relate to how you feel, at least partially. Throughout my life thinking of suicide has always been with me, although mostly as a kind of escape exit "If it gets worse, I can always kill myself". And not for any philosophical reasons, but simply because life sucks. Last week it got so bad, I even started thinking about technical details, fortunately I managed to climb out of my black hole.
What keeps me alive is mostly feeling of responsibility, I do not want to let down all those people who trust me, my principal, my students. Which is strange, as I also suffer from impostor syndrome, so whenever my professional achievements are praised I feel fear that people would find out that in reality I'm a cheat.
I've been in therapy, it helped some, not with everything. Last week I seriously considered going to a psychiatrist but did not get to arranging an appointment. Maybe I will, one day, or maybe I will go back to therapy. Or maybe my life circumstances will change enought to make me feel better.
Anyway, exercise is OK, endorphines make a great drug, but I would not stick to running. For me it's the most pointless activity ever, so I do aerobics, weight training and dancing instead. And it helps. Mostly. I also have people to whom I can talk, although the majority of them are on the internet. People around me, my colleagues, my students, know nothing about my real life, one of my colleagues even calls me "Sunshine". It seems I'm a master of disguise.
If I were you, I would keep going to psychiatrist. Sometimes the medication takes some time to kick in - or possibly it's time to think about trying something new? Often it's not the first drug that helps.

And now, a fun fact. I'm not certain whether it's the best thread, but since it's about correlations - when I read PoN, whenever I came upon the name Carythusal, I would _always_ read it as Carsultyal, that is the city of sorcerers from Karl Wagner's "Kane" books.

I think I have heard about this. A drug that is actually good for people, maybe that would be a "blessing" rather than an enslavement. The question is, would the drug liberate people from enslavement, or would it just make you accept the ongoing enslavement that is ever present? Will a drug cause enslavement no matter how it works?

I think that if we had a drug that was easily available, socially accepted, cheap (not to mention, distributed freely by the government) and free of immediate negative effects (like hangover in case of alcohol, which to a great extent fulfils the first three points), it would be very hard for anyone to stop taking it. Our brains' reward system is very powerful. And I don't think it would liberate people from enslavement, especially if the government was the only source. It would be more like this - you spend the whole day doing your tasks, even if you hate them, because you know that in the evening, before going to bed, you would get your fix and everything would be wonderful.

Oh, right. I was not aware of this other interpretation of "Brave New World". But then again, personal lives of authors do not really interest me. Which means that I may sometimes miss something.

Well, people in the ancient times and then middle ages knew things that would seem surprisingly out of their times. For example, the ancient Greeks knew steam engine and a lot about optics. But the point is - they seldom used this knowledge. Simply because they really had no need for it. If the society works just fine using slave labour, why would you need machines?

And then there's a problem with Scylvendi, who have pale skins, pale blue eyes and yet dark hair. Now that is a combination which is rather hard to find anywhere on Earth, as pale skin and pale eyes are generally accompanied by blonde or reddish hair.