Miscellaneous Chatter > Literature

Three Roses, Bk.1 by Roger Eichorn

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What Came Before:

--- Quote from: Madness ---The House of Yesteryear[/u]

These are the working prologue and first two chapters (I believe) of the Three Roses. Roger is already known to many of TPB regulars but I thought I'd give him a little pimping here regardless. For those of you who don't know Roger, he is a writing compadre of Bakker's, a PhD candidate, guest blogger at TPB, and Veteran of the Trenches at Vox Popoli.

At the very least he can mine our thread for his comments and criticisms.

Cheers.
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What Came Before:

--- Quote from: delavagus ---Thanks for the link!  I am, of course, very interested to hear what people think of the opening of my novel.

And yes, it's the prologue and first two chapters that are posted.  The content on the TPB changed dramatically as a result of the feedback I received both there and elsewhere.  Most dramatically, I collapsed what was originally the first two chapters into a single chapter (now Chapter 1).  In doing so, I'm attempting to cover the same narrative ground in just about half the length.  Also, since what had been the first two chapters were made into one, I decided to post the next chapter, i.e., what used to be Chapter 3 but is now Chapter 2.

So far, I've only gotten feedback on the revised Chapter 1 and the newly posted Chapter 2 from one person (Subutei).  (Abalieno commented, but only on the prologue.)

I say all of this, obviously, hoping to tempt folks who read earlier drafts to take a look at what's up there now.  I think (= hope) that it's much more accessible now.
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What Came Before:

--- Quote from: Callan S. ---
--- Quote ---In doing so, I'm attempting to cover the same narrative ground in just about half the length.
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Doesn't this kinda destroy any neat structures you may have assembled before? If 'well, sometimes you gotta kill your babies' is the answer, then I'd ask what is the baby one is keen enough on to write to begin with, that one is keeping?

Just asking about your perspectives on writing, really :)
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What Came Before:

--- Quote from: Swense ---I agree - it is far more accessible now. Once I finish I might post up some more thoughts, if you like.
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What Came Before:

--- Quote from: Madness ---I concur, I'm not sure what black magic you had up your sleeve, Roger, but you condensed the shit out of those first two chapters.

I really enjoyed the prologue. That being said, the prologue is doing what's supposed to do, facilitating the mystery. I particularly enjoyed Abbe Demilio. Also, I look forward to Lockard's journey to...

(click to show/hide)kill Demilio?
I know you won't answer, however, I thought I'd hazard a guess to provide you with more data.

Alianore intrigues me but I actually felt more sympathy for her sister Jacquetta's character and circumstance.

I think "the game" and "the Opponent" are such a fantastic metaphors, in my reading, reminiscent of Bakker's Benjuka. Just very cool conceptions.

What didn't work for me was Jerome. Essentially, I feel he's marked for the story's ultimate heroic role - the tattoo and the historic reincarnation of the flag - and I feel, perhaps, you're invoking too many "he's not ready" connotations.

Obviously, I don't have much more to offer this time than I did last, Roger. I'm looking forward to your story and all your future writings.
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