Miscellaneous Chatter > Writing

The Lost Zorro Transcriptions

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What follows is the first of a collection of fragments that are apparently a transcription of a performance by legendary comic Zôreius Öenghûs. It is believed that the  transcriber was none other than Drusas Achamian and that the performance occurred during the Holy War's march to Shimeh.

*  *  *  *  *  *  FRAGMENT THE FIRST  *  *  *  *  *  *

.....and Holy Hades, you should have seen the look on Proyas's face! Priceless!

Anyway, where was I? Right, right, the Vulgar Holy War. Almighty God, what a bunch of stupid fuck-ups! "Yeah, we bad! Fanim's gonna be skeered of us! Yeah, boy!!" Fucking whacked by the Fanim. Literally whacked, right? Chop, chop, chop...."Hey, who needs a head? Coming up!" You gotta love their style, too. Sending the heads of the Three Stooges back to the Emperor. "Hey, boss, here are yo boys...."

[...to be continued]

please, continue!

*  *  *  FRAGMENT THE SECOND  *  *  * 

......[the] most ridiculous pair since, I don't know, those two demons or whatever ol' Drusas over there keeps us all awake about all fucking night. You guys know what I mean. It's fucking 3am, and you wake up to this ungodly screaming. It's Achamian, right on schedule, hollering about O-racks and O-rang.....what was that? Are you heckling me now, Akka? What? Oh, Aurax and Aurang? Let me clue you in, you sorcerous fuck, this is not a Mandate lecture tour. This is fucking stand-up comedy, and I hired your fucking ass to write this shit down, not to correct my fucking grammar! <laughter and applause>...... <sotto voce>....hey guys, tell me, is he laughing? If his eyes start glowing, warn me, alright? <aloud> Hey, Akka, I'm just fooling around, right? No offense, etc. All respect to your sorcerous ass <turns and spits>. Seriously, please don't fuck me up with one of those fucking Cants. Working with a sorceror....what a genius idea that was. I pissed him off last week, and ever since then, I've had this burning sensation in my johnson. Although, to be fair, that might be due to that Nilmaneshi chick I was seeing.....

[...fragment ends....]

Cheers, claps, laughs!

Interpolating a little bit of the Don Rickles approach in that last bit, Tao. Risky business, poking a sorcerer...


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