[Wilshire]

I haven't read anything from you in the past, so you and I haven't done this yet.

I don't have any major criticisms or anything, it seems to be a good opening. Being such a fan of Bakker and recently reading Erikson's Malazan, world building/naming/setup is not something I bat an eye at, or even notice. I think I read somewhere, probably your blog, that you were worried or received complaints, or where trying to strike that balance, but I'd not be a good judge of that type of thing. Seemed fine to me.

The timeline was a bit confusing with the magic/sorcery stuff, but that's to be expected in the first few pages. I got the impression at first that he was seeing future visions, but then by the end it seemed they were alternate pasts or alternate timeline things. Being that its some kind of past/alternate timeline, I'm not sure I fully understand his motivation to find out what happens next. Topically, it makes sense, why wouldn't you want to find out your fate? But, after thinking on it, since its not his timeline, its not so much as 'him' as it is someone else, and the drive to see that vision to its end seems less compelling... Just musings, it's hard to draw eral conclusions or thoughts with so few pages.

Can't help but draw some parallels to Earwa, mostly with some of the names. Choric, Outward, etc. Not a big deal, I'm sure those words are found aplenty elsewhere, but we are in TSA forum .

[reichorn]

I haven't read anything from you in the past, so you and I haven't done this yet.

Perfect!

I'm not sure I fully understand his motivation to find out what happens next. Topically, it makes sense, why wouldn't you want to find out your fate? But, after thinking on it, since its not his timeline, its not so much as 'him' as it is someone else, and the drive to see that vision to its end seems less compelling...

Interesting point!  I tried to emphasize that Jerome cannot mentally or emotionally distance himself from the other 'timeline,' for it FEELS just as real to him as his own past does.  Your point makes sense, but only from a 'detached' perspective.  The 'lived reality' of the other life is inescapable, no matter that the idea that it's somehow 'real' is, as Ciaran puts it, utter nonsense.

Also, there's the fact, not quite explicitly stated but I hope detectable, that Jerome really WANTS to become a sorcerer -- but not on Elaarist terms, i.e., he is unwilling to let himself be simply handed over to the Irathics.

[H]

Updated Prologue and Chapter 1: Three Roses.