[What Came Before]

(click to show/hide)

The issue to me is one of presentation and revelation - It's likely that you run the risk of spoiling the impact of set event and alienating future readers. Think Eddard Stark.

[What Came Before]

You're right.  I've decided the spoiler is just too big, so I've cut the final section, getting rid of the spoiler.

I'm really interested to hear what people think of the (beginning of the) Carverus arc...

[What Came Before]

Appreciate the spoiler line, Roger!

Just want to make my excuses - it's weird I can read alot of forums sitting up, but I prefer to recline to read fiction and so haven't gotten through the next bit and only read part of it so far. I Hope to fit in reading more and commenting on it soon!

[What Came Before]

(click to show/hide)

Interestingly enough, Lorenzo and the Dragons (whom I assume are fleshed out in chapters one through nine) are what drew my attention most in chapters ten & eleven. Though, I've already suffered the aforementioned revelation . To be fair, I'm not sure the two chapters are comparable and both are written well for their genre.

Thankfully, delavagus, despite your humility, you are writing some of the more articulate fiction out there. I'll enjoy attaching myself regardless.

[What Came Before]

 

Interestingly enough, Lorenzo and the Dragons (whom I assume are fleshed out in chapters one through nine) are what drew my attention most in chapters ten & eleven.

I don't think this deserves to be hidden as a spoiler, so I've 'decloaked' it.

Anyway, I wanted to mention that, besides a couple brief references, readers did not encounter the Order of Zachariel (the Dragons) prior to Chapter 10.  And the introduction of Lorenzo de la Vagus in Chapter 11 marks his first appearance in the book.

Does knowing that make any difference vis-a-vis your thoughts on the excerpts?  (One reason I picked those two sections is because they're pretty self-contained; and the reason they're pretty self-contained in that they introduce new stuff into the book and therefore don't presuppose much prior knowledge on the reader's part.)

[What Came Before]

Lol, cheers, delavagus.

None what so-ever. Ch. 10 is some quality battle fare as is Ch. 11 but Ch. 11 broaches intrigue and fantastical much more specifically.

Also, understanding that these begin Part 2 of Bk. 1, I would seriously wonder at Jerome's tact and anxiety concerning the Dragons, if he, therefore the reader, knows nothing about them - not to ruin surprises but I find it hard to believe that that is literally the first time someone describes the Order of Zachariel (who are I believe are mentioned by name in the early chapter excerpts) as the Dragons.

Small nitpick and, again, you've mentioned that this is a first draft (despite the obvious talent!).

[reichorn]

... understanding that these begin Part 2 of Bk. 1, I would seriously wonder at Jerome's tact and anxiety concerning the Dragons, if he, therefore the reader, knows nothing about them - not to ruin surprises but I find it hard to believe that that is literally the first time someone describes the Order of Zachariel (who are I believe are mentioned by name in the early chapter excerpts) as the Dragons.

Again I've misled you twice over!  Not that it matters.  But, first, these chapters aren't the beginning of Part 2; they're from a little ways in.  Again, not that that matters.  Also, I didn't mean to suggest in my earlier comments that *Jerome* doesn't know about the Order of Zachariel, just that the *reader* has never encountered them before, except for a couple quick allusions in an earlier chapter in Part 2 (which are there to set up their introduction in Chs. 10 and 11).

[Madness]

delavagus has linked a substantial rewrite of the prologue and chapter 1 (majorly chapter 1). I'm about two thirds through it and it's even better than it was the first time (I've specifically appreciated the tailored infodumps between Alessandro and Jerome as well as the positioning cementing Jerome as obviously central to the narrative).

Here's the new link: Three Roses, Bk. 1: Prologue + Chapter 1

I'm not sure the old ones are available any longer.

[Cüréthañ]

Planning to go and reread tonight.  Will post my thoughts thereafter.

[Madness]

Please do . I hope I'll find time this afternoon to read the last third.

[Kellais]

Cool!
Although i have not yet finished the original version 

Too bad this is not closer to publishing...i was hoping i could go out and buy it soon 

[Madness]

You know, usually when delavagus posts on TPB, he's pretty good about answering questions about his writer's craft .

I wish I could buy it too, Kellais. Lol - Unfortunately, 10 expectant readers on SA don't count as a consumer base.

[Kellais]

Why not? If we each buy 200 copies...not bad, i'd say 

So, delavagus, i see you are a member here as well, so hopefully you'll see this in time...is there a worldmap? I am a total map-nut and i would love to see a map for this world.

[reichorn]

Why not? If we each buy 200 copies...not bad, i'd say

Would you consider advance payment?   

So, delavagus, i see you are a member here as well, so hopefully you'll see this in time...is there a worldmap? I am a total map-nut and i would love to see a map for this world.

Ask and ye shall receive: http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/the-house-of-yesteryear-three-roses-book-one-2/three-roses-maps/

[Meyna]

So, delavagus, i see you are a member here as well, so hopefully you'll see this in time...is there a worldmap? I am a total map-nut and i would love to see a map for this world.

Ask and ye shall receive: http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/the-house-of-yesteryear-three-roses-book-one-2/three-roses-maps/

Fellow map-nut here. Awesome and thank you!!