Three Roses, Bk.1 by Roger Eichorn

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« on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:25 pm »
Quote from: Madness
The House of Yesteryear[/u]

These are the working prologue and first two chapters (I believe) of the Three Roses. Roger is already known to many of TPB regulars but I thought I'd give him a little pimping here regardless. For those of you who don't know Roger, he is a writing compadre of Bakker's, a PhD candidate, guest blogger at TPB, and Veteran of the Trenches at Vox Popoli.

At the very least he can mine our thread for his comments and criticisms.

Cheers.

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« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:30 pm »
Quote from: delavagus
Thanks for the link!  I am, of course, very interested to hear what people think of the opening of my novel.

And yes, it's the prologue and first two chapters that are posted.  The content on the TPB changed dramatically as a result of the feedback I received both there and elsewhere.  Most dramatically, I collapsed what was originally the first two chapters into a single chapter (now Chapter 1).  In doing so, I'm attempting to cover the same narrative ground in just about half the length.  Also, since what had been the first two chapters were made into one, I decided to post the next chapter, i.e., what used to be Chapter 3 but is now Chapter 2.

So far, I've only gotten feedback on the revised Chapter 1 and the newly posted Chapter 2 from one person (Subutei).  (Abalieno commented, but only on the prologue.)

I say all of this, obviously, hoping to tempt folks who read earlier drafts to take a look at what's up there now.  I think (= hope) that it's much more accessible now.

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« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:35 pm »
Quote from: Callan S.
Quote
In doing so, I'm attempting to cover the same narrative ground in just about half the length.

Doesn't this kinda destroy any neat structures you may have assembled before? If 'well, sometimes you gotta kill your babies' is the answer, then I'd ask what is the baby one is keen enough on to write to begin with, that one is keeping?

Just asking about your perspectives on writing, really :)

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« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:40 pm »
Quote from: Swense
I agree - it is far more accessible now. Once I finish I might post up some more thoughts, if you like.

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« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:45 pm »
Quote from: Madness
I concur, I'm not sure what black magic you had up your sleeve, Roger, but you condensed the shit out of those first two chapters.

I really enjoyed the prologue. That being said, the prologue is doing what's supposed to do, facilitating the mystery. I particularly enjoyed Abbe Demilio. Also, I look forward to Lockard's journey to...

(click to show/hide)

I know you won't answer, however, I thought I'd hazard a guess to provide you with more data.

Alianore intrigues me but I actually felt more sympathy for her sister Jacquetta's character and circumstance.

I think "the game" and "the Opponent" are such a fantastic metaphors, in my reading, reminiscent of Bakker's Benjuka. Just very cool conceptions.

What didn't work for me was Jerome. Essentially, I feel he's marked for the story's ultimate heroic role - the tattoo and the historic reincarnation of the flag - and I feel, perhaps, you're invoking too many "he's not ready" connotations.

Obviously, I don't have much more to offer this time than I did last, Roger. I'm looking forward to your story and all your future writings.

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« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:50 pm »
Quote from: delavagus
Quote from: Madness
Alianore intrigues me but I actually felt more sympathy for her sister Jacquetta's character and circumstance.

That's interesting -- and not at all unwelcome.  I like the idea of readers being sympathetic to, and interested in, Jacquetta, esp. given how little 'screen-time' she actually gets.

Quote from: Madness
What didn't work for me was Jerome. Essentially, I feel he's marked for the story's ultimate heroic role - the tattoo and the historic reincarnation of the flag - and I feel, perhaps, you're invoking too many "he's not ready" connotations.

That's interesting.  Obviously I need Jerome to 'work' for readers.  He does play an important role in the overall story, as you can imagine; but I think you'll be surprised at how that role unfolds.  It's not -- or at least, I think and hope it's not -- a rote or predictable role at all.  He's one of numerous 'narrative unconventialities' I'm hoping will add to rather than detract from the story.

Thanks for the comments!  I wish I had responded sooner, but I've had to put the book aside for some months now.  I hope to get back to it after the holidays.  Maybe I'll even get the beast finished next year...

If I do, anyone willing to be a 'beta-reader'?

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« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2013, 09:56:56 pm »
Quote from: Madness
No jokes, delavagus, I was in Chapters just the other day and thought to myself... there's nothing here I want to read (SFF anyhow), I wish Roger's book was out.

I'd certainly volunteer. sciborg, Callan, Francis, and Camlost are also good bets as they seems to have been informally passing their work around to each other already. Plus they're the ones regularly bending themselves to the page :).

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« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:01 pm »
Quote from: Callan S.
I think since I've been bemoaning a lack of feedback loops from campfire tale spinner to campfire audience, I should show interest in what does beta-reading involve?

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« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:06 pm »
Quote from: delavagus
Quote from: Madness
... I wish Roger's book was out.

Me too!   :D

Quote from: Madness
I'd certainly volunteer. sciborg, Callan, Francis, and Camlost are also good bets as they seems to have been informally passing their work around to each other already. Plus they're the ones regularly bending themselves to the page :).

Well, maybe I'll post back here when it's done.

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« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:11 pm »
Quote from: delavagus
Quote from: Callan S.
... in what does beta-reading involve?

It simply involves reading the manuscript and providing feedback on it.  Any interest?

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« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:15 pm »
Quote from: Madness
Cheers, delavagus. Hope all is well with you and yours. Get to task :D.

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« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:20 pm »
Quote from: Wilshire
thought not a writer of any kind, this sounds like an interesting project. Beta-reading, an apt name. Hope that works out.
I'd do some reading and feedbacking, if the perspective of the mundane is worth much to anyone.

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« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:25 pm »
Quote from: Callan S.
Yes, interested in beta reading! My bias is at your disposal!

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« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:29 pm »
Quote from: delavagus
http://rsbakker.wordpress.com/stories/the-house-of-yesteryear-three-roses-book-one-2/

For anyone who's interested, I've updated the Prologue and the first two chapters (i.e., everything that was up there already).  I've also added Chapter 3.

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« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2013, 09:57:34 pm »
Quote from: Madness
Just wow, delavagus. I could reread that prologue over and over.

I'll have more coherent thoughts later but your story is awesome. Love where its going in Ch. 3. You got yourself at least one reader. Hurry up and keep writing :).